Spilled tea: 3 takeaways from Oprah’s Meghan and Harry interview

Trigger warning: Suicidal ideation, racism, colorism

I was one of the 1.9 billion people worldwide who anxiously and excitedly watched Prince Harry and Meghan Markle’s majestic royal wedding in 2018. Admittedly, I had zero interest in the British Royal Family before Meghan entered the picture.

The prospect of their union making royalty more racially and socially inclusive was alluring to me. Even for just a few hours, a woman of color was openly embraced as an official “princess.” And she seemed so truly in love with her prince – who could turn away from the fairytale?

Well, that collective, fuzzy feeling didn’t last long. In the years since, the British tabloid press has trashed Meghan with a barrage of personal attacks. She has been constantly lambasted on social media for allegedly “controlling” Harry, and I watched as she struggled publicly with surviving her experience in the Royal Family.

Meghan and Harry recently sat down with the inimitable Oprah for a two-hour interview that aired on CBS. There were a number of revelations that are still reverberating around the Twitterverse. Here are a few that stood out to me from my perspective as a black woman.

Meghan continues to protect those who didn’t protect her

Oprah asks Meghan about a tabloid rumor that she made Kate Middleton “cry.” Meghan responds, “The reverse happened.” She goes on to describe a hurtful conversation between her and Kate that took place the week preceding her wedding. Meghan then goes out of her way to make it known that she isn’t trying to disparage Kate, but instead is sharing how the Royal Family did nothing to refute the rumor, even though they knew it was untrue.

Image Credit: Harpo Productions

Women are constantly made to feel like we need to be apologetic for expressing how we feel in any given moment – almost to the point of self-loathing. But when the dynamics of race are in play – in this case involving a black woman and a white woman – discussions about emotion become even more complicated.

A black women’s feelings are rarely validated in this situation. If Meghan’s account is indeed true, this was blatant gaslighting and a smear campaign that hinged upon the fact that Kate’s whiteness made her a more sympathetic figure to the masses. And while Kate is constrained by the Royal Family, it says a lot that she seemingly still has not corrected the record.

Black women are tired of being “magical” and “strong”

Oprah presses Meghan on her reflection that the Royal experience was almost “unsurvivable.” Meghan elaborates by describing a painful night when she admitted to Harry that she was contemplating suicide. She says she asked for help from the Royal institution and was denied.

Meghan and Harry attend a charity gala in January 2019. Image credit: Splash News

The next day, she attended a charity event with Harry, sporting a smile as bright as the sequins on her Roland Mouret dress.

The courage that it takes to admit that you need help is immense. And as someone who has experienced suicidal thoughts, I am familiar with the awful feeling of having to “suck it up” and perform anyway. The feeling of wanting to crawl into a hole and never come out. As a woman of color, expressing these thoughts can conjure up feelings of embarrassment or weakness. Because we are lowest on the proverbial totem pole, it is second nature for us to excel while overcoming the cruelest, most degrading treatment.

I hope that Meghan’s brave acknowledgement of her suicidal ideation serves as a keen reminder that black women are not inherently “magical.” Though we often achieve incredible feats in the face of societal abuse and structural barriers, we are not superhuman. And because we carry the ugly, heavy burdens of racism and sexism, we are more susceptible to stress, depression and anxiety.

In this moment, Meghan signaled that it’s OK to sometimes defy the “black girl magic” narrative and seek help when needed.

Meghan’s proximity to whiteness wasn’t enough to protect her family

Throughout the interview, Oprah refers to Meghan as “mixed race.” Though this is an important distinction, many black women like myself just see Meghan as “black.”

While colorism continues to be a social plague in the U.S. and around the world, Meghan’s white lineage did little to protect her from the unfair treatment and lack of support she received from the institution of the Royal Family.

The most enraging revelations in the interview centered on Meghan and Harry’s son. Meghan claims Archie was denied a royal title, security and protection. There apparently was never an explanation given for these decisions – but it’s not hard to make an educated assumption.

Meghan also reveals a conversation that allegedly took place related to the color of her unborn son’s skin and concerns about how “dark” he would be.

All of this eventually led up to the events that the British press dubbed “Megxit” – a term which casts Meghan in a manipulative, conniving light (and, for me, harkens back to the Jezebel stereotype). In the interview, Meghan referred to a number of losses she has experienced throughout this ordeal, including a miscarriage.

I can’t help but wonder: What if Meghan was a darker-skinned woman? How much more vitriol would she have endured?

Harry, who acknowledges that racism played a role in deciding to step away from the Royal institution, admits that Meghan “saved” him from being trapped as a Royal Family member. When asked whether she had regrets, Meghan responded, “My regret is believing them when they said I would be protected.”

If you or someone you know is at risk of suicide, please call the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 800-273-8255, chat with the hotline, or reach out to the Crisis Text Line.

Check out this Twitter thread for more good reads on Meghan, race, and the British Royal